Gorgeous photo props to Eric Peterson, RPCV TZ
Here is my situation:
1.) I am broke. No, in debt.
2.) I am unemployed.
3.) I am single
4.) I am pregnant.
5.) I have no health insurance.
Today, I spent $455.00 on a fiancee visa, $75.00 to get fingerprinted (in hopes of resolving the unemployment catch), $400.00 to get my car fixed (didn't start on my way out to job hunt yesterday), and paid off a $635.00 phone bill.
Do I sound like white trash? Sure, ok, whatever. All this goes on top of an incomeless bank account of zero, and a loan repayment of nearly $5,000.00.
As Borat would say, Welcome back to the US and A!
Ah, the good old days in Africa, where at $200.00, I was livin' large and supporting three, and traveling, and giving gifts. (I was the wealthy one. How can you not take your grandpa to the hospital, pay $5 for a family's health insurance for a year, and here and there for meds or whatever.
Truth be told, I am not complaining here.
There couldn't be many in the state of California who would envy that list. (Though, sadly some might...)
Again, I say all of this with a laugh. It is the truth! And to enter it in on the internet is certainly not a way to get dates or make friends. I did google a similar string of words however in a quest to find health care, and I found some great websites and services. But they were all in the UK. HAHA! And I still haven't seen SICKO, but I should let Micheal Moore know that one.
I suppose I am writing this because I want to log my real situation. That was part of my day.
I log it, because in some way, I want to convey the feeling that I have right now amidst all this: gratitude, optimism, enthusiasm, excitement, joy!, and just the smallest, occasional creeping in of the Doubt.
That doubt, however, I have become stronger and stronger at recognizing and stronger at quickly removing.
Still, I analyze a million situations. In 48 hours I have
1.) Considered moving back to Tanzania (buying the plane ticket with a credit card) marrying Tino, living with him, and allowing him to take care of me and the baby until papers are in order and we can return home together. Downside, I just don't know how I would pay that credit card back while I was there...
2.) Considered going anywhere outside of the US to have the baby. Didn't really think that one through.
3.) Going back to school and taking out a loan so that I can spend less time away once the baby is born, yet live off loans and get some studying accomplished.
4.) Work now and live off a credit card once the baby is born, until Tino makes it out here, or I get a job in September.
5.) Find a really cheap source of childcare and work as soon as possible and as much as possible, with 6 weeks of post natal bonding.
The final option really blows, but the last two are heading toward the finish line, and I am rooting for living off a credit card and breastfeeding and cooing as much as possible.
I mean really, I will be spending nearly as much as I am making on childcare, and at this point, feel very emotional about leaving the baby with someone (who?!!) at seven weeks of age.
Of course, there is health insurance to think about and well,
Maybe it is time to apply for another credit card...
I know, it sounds scary!
But I am convinced that when Tino gets here, (and who knows when that will be, a secret compartment in me is still harboring the hope that he will make it before the birth... but judging from average processing times, it doesn't look like it.) I will be able to work full time as a teacher and have benefits for the whole family and pay off debts, and ultimately, start paying rent, and putting him through school.
Thats right, paying rent.
Remember the grateful part of my rant? I am grateful to my mom for a rent free place to live, indefinately, with my husband and child. This may sound even more white trash than my debt to you, but I am a big fan of the family reuniting, and although I regret the fact that at 31, it is not MY house that I am providing for my mother, rather than the other way around, the relationships are really the most important part, and in my optimism, I tell myself that someday while we are all still healthy and young(ish), I will provide for her.
I am also grateful to my father. Thanks for the mini van dad! The ultimate family roadster.
Another thing, back to the job, and this is one thing that I would like to spread to the Peace Corps world... I am grateful that my Peace Corps service may apply for a Preliminary Credential. This means that I can teach in California based on my training and experience in Africa rather than going through a University credentialing program. Sure, I still must prove myself with CSET exams and whatnot, but this is a huge gift and I am grateful to whomever lobbied for this little deal.
I simply wish I had known about it in the Peace Corps. This could have affected my focus in my service, and how I drafted my final Close of Service (the official PC 'resume' that 'proves' the work you have done.) I could have started looking online and turned in forms months ago in order to process this credential.
Yet again, information that could have been more useful MONTHS ago. The theme of my days. Anyway, the wheels are in motion, things are happening, the cards will fall where they may, but nothing is permanent. Not even the negative thought patterns that we allow to dominate our minds and cement into our bodies, although, this is the biggest problem, no CHALLENGE, that an individual can face.
In my sincere belief.
Forget about debt. It's all in the mind.
