Monday, February 18, 2013
Designmantic.com
I’ve been mulling around the business plan for years. Since this blog began. There have been many names, many versions, many epiphanies that I rode high, for a week or two. Today was another, and I was determined that it was time to launch: CultivateCASH.
Just to step back, the previous idea was PEACEProfits, with a tag line of Peace Profiteering. This was when the dialogue was a critical part of it, and at times, I had the “P” standing for Praxis.
Silly how I have fallen into this false acronym game. Nevertheless, it became, Peer Exchange for Agroecology, Culture, and Economics. PEACEProfits. The idea that building strong relationships, building the planet, and celebrating culture are what build wealth. Also of course that the focus is on income generation through projects that contextualize education and get students to problem solve about their environment. Generate income through planetary regeneration.
But I felt that the focus I wanted to make in the name needed to emphasize the “agro” aspect. So,
CultivateCASH came. Cultivate Community with Agroecology for Sustainable Health.
It could work. So in my epiphany, I just wanted to label it and cement the whole process. So what do we do next? Develop a logo. I’ve previously paid over a hundred dollars to have a friend sketch a logo that I had imagined. I wanted it to look youthful, and even to distance myself from all the corporate looking logos. But, not only did the name change and make the artwork irrelevant, but looking at it just makes things look sloppy, rather than fun.
Back to a typical logo.
Logos can go for thousands, or a poorly rated app for $69. On a whim, I typed in free logo and found designmantic.com.
It created a perfectly suitable logo, with a lot of other workable options! It was easy.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
4 and one more
Living in bliss, sometimes worry. Amani is now four, and we have a new son. He will never have any of the nicknames I dreamt of when dreaming of a girl (these past four years- I was a late start, no little girl dreams of baby making for me...)
But Asante, now 10 months and taking his first steps, has done so many memorable things, but writing about it, in the moment, ahhhh, that is where the juice is. Of course, all of us, all of our moments are being battled for by the many tasks, distractions, joys, responsibilities.
So, yesterday: Amani was helping me in the kitchen in Spanish, after a renewed sense of joy and purpose in teaching him that came from talking with my dad on the long drive up the CA I-5 after being gone for a week for Spring Break. Tino/Baba Amani/Daddy walks in. Perhaps he was wiping his colored eggs, washing a dish, or pretending he could speak Spanish. Amani says, "It's good to be together again."
I say I love you a lot, so I am not surprised that Amani does too. I think I am fairly agreeable (at least with him!) and I say sure a lot, so he does too. I guess I say "Actually" and shamefully and inexplicably "Look-it", so Amani has adopted those expressions as well. It is my instinct to say something positive first thing in the morning to these boys, and so when Amani continuously wakes up and says, "Its a pretty sunny day!" or some other complimentary remark on the new day that awaits us, I am delighted, but not at all surprised.
However, when out of the blue, he says what I've never heard, and what I am in fact too distracted to even think: "Its good to be together again." I want to kiss his feet. Daddy had to walk out of the room with tears in his eyes.
Son, you are adorable. Today, you drew so many wonderful, creative pictures, telling stories to yourself as your doodles took on life and shape simultaneously. You wrote you name: iMANA and were only cooperative and a joy to be with (of course, a little nagging here and there to try to get me to play with you because I was trying to finish a proposal and on the computer for too long to be a really Perfect Day, but did finish because you and Asante were adaptable enough to entertain yourselves and be so easy going.
Tonight, at dinner, when we finally sat down at 9pm, (15 min. late- you waited for me while I indulged in a hot shower with tangerine-lavender sugar scrub I made), and we had our chicken ceasar salad, chicken noodle soup, and fougasse on the table, Daddy was telling a story about how Thelma was teaching the two little boy goats to but-heads. But he ALWAYS says "Selma" instead of "Thelma" and it drives me crazy. Why oh why can't we acknowledge that this isn't her name and try to say it right? I am sure you can enunciate the "th" sound. Here, let me make you try, interrupt your story, and make you feel badly.
Amani, thank you for speaking up and saying, "He can say it however he wants to."
Yes, he really did say that.
Asante, you have been the most angelic baby, filled with smiles since day one. When I labored with you, I was sitting in our outdoor bathtub looking at rainbows and oak trees. Seriously. All of my dreams and imaginings of the day had come true, and I will always remember that feeling of utter peace while my body changed to make room for your birth. Then wham bam and off to the birthing center (I'm sure you've heard the story, of how I called the emergency number on the way in, but they didn't pass the message to the midwives. So when we got there at 6.30ish, a half-hour after closing, the doors were locked and we thought you were going to be born in the parking lot. Just in time, the new midwife (Kathy?), who happened to be staying after hours to familiarize herself with the office, opened up for us, and let us in, checking me only to confirm that, yes indeed, mama is not fibbing, THE BABY IS ON THE WAY! Water was started and your father carried me the whole way. He delivered me quickly and gracefully into the tub where I had imagined I would be delivering you. I guess somewhere there is a video I haven't watched yet. Maybe for your first birthday ;-)
We brought you home to paradise, and perhaps because of this, I am absolutely convinced that you were already smiling happily in your first week of life. There will be those who say it is gas, but darling, you would always smile when I sang. How is it possible that I haven't yet gotten over my shyness???
I love you, thank you for being perfection, thank you for creating a paradise in which to be born, and thank you for being gratitude itself!
Now, I tell folks you have an international reputation for being smiley, charming and adorable. Carmen calls you "Riesón" (I'll have to check that, but it means Smiley). Magreth in Tanzania says she misses your smile, you two connected, I know she really does! The entire Malisa family was taken with your smile and love of people, as well as all of our friends and all of Sebastopol! I am not exaggerating about your reputation darling! Even now, last night you had just been the center of attention, learning to walk with your Babu, brother and Daddy. So you walked right out the front door of the kitchen! But you wanted to be seen. You opened the screen to peek back in, and I said "Boo!", we both LAUGHED AND LAUGHED! Over and over again, "Abre-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAH!-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAHA!-Cierra" With wide mouths and shining eyes, we laughed and looked deep into each others souls. Oh how wonderful it is to connect with you!
But, you must know, you are very difficult these nights! Thrashing, crying, nursing you is a painful experience but there seems to be nothing else that will soothe you at night, even though it seems sometimes that this barely does. Perhaps your teeth hurt (you are cutting your fifth and sixth), perhaps you are growing, or your tummy hurts because we don't feed you baby food. Whatever it is, you are trouble. In the daytime, you can also be trouble. Sometimes, we just play. You love to play swords with your brother, and you love to take a bath. Water is the most exciting game for you. If the door is cracked, or we are outside for a snack of frozen blueberries, (like we were today) you will simply crawl out into the garden while I peek on you every once in awhile and relish the opportunity to "get stuff done". Usually, when I see you, you are teething on a wood chip. Looks pretty satisfying to me! Perhaps a little dirt in the mouth (some studies trace playing in the dirt to increased immunity and serotonin production- so there you go my healthy and happy baby!)
Darling, today I tried to put you down to nap on a comfy blanket, under the bamboo tee-"pea", shaded by the pear tree (dubbed The Giving Tree). Immediately when you detected that I would not be holding you, you squirmed and cried, thrashed and sat yourself up. But instead of crying again until I put you down properly for nap. You smiled and cruised around in the tee-pee for another half-hour or more while I watered and cleaned up the greenhouse. What a love.
Suffice it to say, I am enjoying you both enormously. It is 3am now, and I would love to write about other things going on in my life, but I'll save that boring stuff for another day.
But Asante, now 10 months and taking his first steps, has done so many memorable things, but writing about it, in the moment, ahhhh, that is where the juice is. Of course, all of us, all of our moments are being battled for by the many tasks, distractions, joys, responsibilities.
So, yesterday: Amani was helping me in the kitchen in Spanish, after a renewed sense of joy and purpose in teaching him that came from talking with my dad on the long drive up the CA I-5 after being gone for a week for Spring Break. Tino/Baba Amani/Daddy walks in. Perhaps he was wiping his colored eggs, washing a dish, or pretending he could speak Spanish. Amani says, "It's good to be together again."
I say I love you a lot, so I am not surprised that Amani does too. I think I am fairly agreeable (at least with him!) and I say sure a lot, so he does too. I guess I say "Actually" and shamefully and inexplicably "Look-it", so Amani has adopted those expressions as well. It is my instinct to say something positive first thing in the morning to these boys, and so when Amani continuously wakes up and says, "Its a pretty sunny day!" or some other complimentary remark on the new day that awaits us, I am delighted, but not at all surprised.
However, when out of the blue, he says what I've never heard, and what I am in fact too distracted to even think: "Its good to be together again." I want to kiss his feet. Daddy had to walk out of the room with tears in his eyes.
Son, you are adorable. Today, you drew so many wonderful, creative pictures, telling stories to yourself as your doodles took on life and shape simultaneously. You wrote you name: iMANA and were only cooperative and a joy to be with (of course, a little nagging here and there to try to get me to play with you because I was trying to finish a proposal and on the computer for too long to be a really Perfect Day, but did finish because you and Asante were adaptable enough to entertain yourselves and be so easy going.
Tonight, at dinner, when we finally sat down at 9pm, (15 min. late- you waited for me while I indulged in a hot shower with tangerine-lavender sugar scrub I made), and we had our chicken ceasar salad, chicken noodle soup, and fougasse on the table, Daddy was telling a story about how Thelma was teaching the two little boy goats to but-heads. But he ALWAYS says "Selma" instead of "Thelma" and it drives me crazy. Why oh why can't we acknowledge that this isn't her name and try to say it right? I am sure you can enunciate the "th" sound. Here, let me make you try, interrupt your story, and make you feel badly.
Amani, thank you for speaking up and saying, "He can say it however he wants to."
Yes, he really did say that.
Asante, you have been the most angelic baby, filled with smiles since day one. When I labored with you, I was sitting in our outdoor bathtub looking at rainbows and oak trees. Seriously. All of my dreams and imaginings of the day had come true, and I will always remember that feeling of utter peace while my body changed to make room for your birth. Then wham bam and off to the birthing center (I'm sure you've heard the story, of how I called the emergency number on the way in, but they didn't pass the message to the midwives. So when we got there at 6.30ish, a half-hour after closing, the doors were locked and we thought you were going to be born in the parking lot. Just in time, the new midwife (Kathy?), who happened to be staying after hours to familiarize herself with the office, opened up for us, and let us in, checking me only to confirm that, yes indeed, mama is not fibbing, THE BABY IS ON THE WAY! Water was started and your father carried me the whole way. He delivered me quickly and gracefully into the tub where I had imagined I would be delivering you. I guess somewhere there is a video I haven't watched yet. Maybe for your first birthday ;-)
We brought you home to paradise, and perhaps because of this, I am absolutely convinced that you were already smiling happily in your first week of life. There will be those who say it is gas, but darling, you would always smile when I sang. How is it possible that I haven't yet gotten over my shyness???
I love you, thank you for being perfection, thank you for creating a paradise in which to be born, and thank you for being gratitude itself!
Now, I tell folks you have an international reputation for being smiley, charming and adorable. Carmen calls you "Riesón" (I'll have to check that, but it means Smiley). Magreth in Tanzania says she misses your smile, you two connected, I know she really does! The entire Malisa family was taken with your smile and love of people, as well as all of our friends and all of Sebastopol! I am not exaggerating about your reputation darling! Even now, last night you had just been the center of attention, learning to walk with your Babu, brother and Daddy. So you walked right out the front door of the kitchen! But you wanted to be seen. You opened the screen to peek back in, and I said "Boo!", we both LAUGHED AND LAUGHED! Over and over again, "Abre-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAH!-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAHA!-Cierra" With wide mouths and shining eyes, we laughed and looked deep into each others souls. Oh how wonderful it is to connect with you!
But, you must know, you are very difficult these nights! Thrashing, crying, nursing you is a painful experience but there seems to be nothing else that will soothe you at night, even though it seems sometimes that this barely does. Perhaps your teeth hurt (you are cutting your fifth and sixth), perhaps you are growing, or your tummy hurts because we don't feed you baby food. Whatever it is, you are trouble. In the daytime, you can also be trouble. Sometimes, we just play. You love to play swords with your brother, and you love to take a bath. Water is the most exciting game for you. If the door is cracked, or we are outside for a snack of frozen blueberries, (like we were today) you will simply crawl out into the garden while I peek on you every once in awhile and relish the opportunity to "get stuff done". Usually, when I see you, you are teething on a wood chip. Looks pretty satisfying to me! Perhaps a little dirt in the mouth (some studies trace playing in the dirt to increased immunity and serotonin production- so there you go my healthy and happy baby!)
Darling, today I tried to put you down to nap on a comfy blanket, under the bamboo tee-"pea", shaded by the pear tree (dubbed The Giving Tree). Immediately when you detected that I would not be holding you, you squirmed and cried, thrashed and sat yourself up. But instead of crying again until I put you down properly for nap. You smiled and cruised around in the tee-pee for another half-hour or more while I watered and cleaned up the greenhouse. What a love.
Suffice it to say, I am enjoying you both enormously. It is 3am now, and I would love to write about other things going on in my life, but I'll save that boring stuff for another day.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Where I'm comin' from, to know where I'm going?
There are so many strange things afoot in the world. The truth is, life is perfect. But at the same time, I don't feel at peace, and am having trouble tolerating the soreness from a baby kicking and growing in my belly and have two and a half months to go!
Perhaps I feel strange because so much is pie in the sky, because best friends are new friends, the things I believe in sometimes seem so contradictory to the way the world runs, because I need a consistent schedule... I am not sure.
Vision boards. Sasha and I are determined to manifest our visions and begin with a day of vision boards. We've already begun. She has manifested the rustic playhouse and country living, I, after the country cottage, the community (Sasha, Luca, the Hardings and surrounded by old friends), and now flooring, a greenhouse, french doors, baby goat on the way, glorious garden to follow (but notice, all of this is in the future tense.)
I need to begin to focus on what I have.
That is what is getting me. The lack of meditation. The lack of serenity. It feels like absolutely everything is a reach for something that is not here yet, and it is destabilizing to be sure.
The MESA income, the CISA program.
The graduation, the dream career. The fellowship, the trip to Tanzania, the trip to the snow, the trip to Mexico, plans for friends/family to visit, the grants, the curriculum, the brochure to advertise the program! Phew! It all feels, not in my hands!
HEALTHY BABY.
I still fear the baby will be born cyclops, or flipper. I guess I remember sort of joking about that with Amani, but really, I don't take for granted that I will have a healthy, perfect baby again. Quite the contrary to the point where it might just be getting in the way. It is so hard to connect to this baby: no time, no stuff, trying to make sure Amani doesn't loose his place, no gender knowledge, fear of fever, age, diet, medicines, or luck affecting the little one.
I've spent about six weeks quite ill this winter, and the sun is finally coming out.
Amani's birthday Friday was perfection, thanks to the impromptu willingness of Sasha and Luca to hike with us, and the fantastic performance of Hillcrest students doing Beauty and the Beast.
Saturday was insanity and I was glad for it all to end at Chuck E. Cheese.
Sunday was a gorgeous day of going to Petaluma in the morning and picking up lovely flooring for the house and hopefully the play room for $50. Then breakfast at the Tea Room with Sasha and Luca. It was sweet! Austin's party was great, the kids in a good mood, teachers and students were great today, "That was the best Spanish class ever!" Personal connections on the computers again, love that, miss that. Keri is such a great principal to me, so exactly what I like to work with, professional, energetic, positive. Could I keep the job and go to TZ? Could I work part time or full? Could I teach there while staying on as teacher and grant writer at MESA, making money?
This would be great for a year while the baby is small.
Tino works on the farm, and interns as a phlebotomist, eventually landing a job as such.
The future doesn't sound bleak. At this point in time, I just want to be able to afford to go to the dentist, and have health care when needed, to be able to contribute in a meaningful way to the things I love, maintaining and building strong connections, and growing and expanding the ability to educate farmers and communities on ecological living nationally and internationally.
Got to get that brochure!
Got to stop. meditate.
Perhaps I feel strange because so much is pie in the sky, because best friends are new friends, the things I believe in sometimes seem so contradictory to the way the world runs, because I need a consistent schedule... I am not sure.
Vision boards. Sasha and I are determined to manifest our visions and begin with a day of vision boards. We've already begun. She has manifested the rustic playhouse and country living, I, after the country cottage, the community (Sasha, Luca, the Hardings and surrounded by old friends), and now flooring, a greenhouse, french doors, baby goat on the way, glorious garden to follow (but notice, all of this is in the future tense.)
I need to begin to focus on what I have.
That is what is getting me. The lack of meditation. The lack of serenity. It feels like absolutely everything is a reach for something that is not here yet, and it is destabilizing to be sure.
The MESA income, the CISA program.
The graduation, the dream career. The fellowship, the trip to Tanzania, the trip to the snow, the trip to Mexico, plans for friends/family to visit, the grants, the curriculum, the brochure to advertise the program! Phew! It all feels, not in my hands!
HEALTHY BABY.
I still fear the baby will be born cyclops, or flipper. I guess I remember sort of joking about that with Amani, but really, I don't take for granted that I will have a healthy, perfect baby again. Quite the contrary to the point where it might just be getting in the way. It is so hard to connect to this baby: no time, no stuff, trying to make sure Amani doesn't loose his place, no gender knowledge, fear of fever, age, diet, medicines, or luck affecting the little one.
I've spent about six weeks quite ill this winter, and the sun is finally coming out.
Amani's birthday Friday was perfection, thanks to the impromptu willingness of Sasha and Luca to hike with us, and the fantastic performance of Hillcrest students doing Beauty and the Beast.
Saturday was insanity and I was glad for it all to end at Chuck E. Cheese.
Sunday was a gorgeous day of going to Petaluma in the morning and picking up lovely flooring for the house and hopefully the play room for $50. Then breakfast at the Tea Room with Sasha and Luca. It was sweet! Austin's party was great, the kids in a good mood, teachers and students were great today, "That was the best Spanish class ever!" Personal connections on the computers again, love that, miss that. Keri is such a great principal to me, so exactly what I like to work with, professional, energetic, positive. Could I keep the job and go to TZ? Could I work part time or full? Could I teach there while staying on as teacher and grant writer at MESA, making money?
This would be great for a year while the baby is small.
Tino works on the farm, and interns as a phlebotomist, eventually landing a job as such.
The future doesn't sound bleak. At this point in time, I just want to be able to afford to go to the dentist, and have health care when needed, to be able to contribute in a meaningful way to the things I love, maintaining and building strong connections, and growing and expanding the ability to educate farmers and communities on ecological living nationally and internationally.
Got to get that brochure!
Got to stop. meditate.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Rosemary for Remembrance, Dragonflies, Hawks and Sunflowers.
Whatta day! This morning I woke up, got Amani ready to go to gymnastics with Luca and Sasha, double checked on the time for Morgan's memorial, and remembered it was Tino and my anniversary.
While Tino is always the one to ensure that my shoes are polished and clothes are pressed before we head out the door, he has been so busy studying, I had to beg him first to go to the memorial with me, then inform him that his work uniform was not appropriate. We are paying respects, look respectable, quite simply.
Morgan. How many tears I cried, and how close to you and all who love you I feel! Thank you thank you for giving me that closeness and that love. I've been overwhelmed, under the weather, feeling like I was losing touch, not reaching out to the things and the ones who made me... It felt very good to go to the memorial. It felt very good to see how many people feel exactly the same way. It felt very good, reiterating with them how Morgan could not possibly be forgotten, some of the very brightest that shines through me comes directly from her. What an angel, what a woman to know. How blessed I feel to have been seen and touched by her. With my stuffy nose, I went through a box of tissues on my own, crying until I was puffy faced. Then was able to see Jimmy, Mike and Kelly, and also Guy, and exchange good hugs, good love, good penetrating looks, and good words. It made me feel more connected. Then the hawk spirit sent all of the people I had been thinking of to our doorstep today, just about, and it was a fantastic day of impromptu visits and simple goodness.
Amani, Luca and I went to Oliver's to pick Tino up, and the cruised around Oliver's excitedly putting things in their cart. But under control, happily, choosing fruits, sweet potatoes, juice, milk, syrup for tomorrow's pancakes. It was fun. Then we all held hands and walked in the big drizzle drops through the wet, lamplit parking lot to the Chinese restaurant, and ate and ate and ate.
The entire time, I kept thinking back to Morgan, in that each shot of her, there is a special glow. That special glow that makes each moment flawless. That turns off the fluorescent lights of the restaurant, takes the stains off the floor, makes the lanterns glow red, with fireflies dancing and perfectly warm, delicious food. Obviously it wasn't like that, but I felt like it was. Playing house with Tino, while Luca and Amani practiced playing. We had a great time. I feel so completely blessed.
There are so many things we forget, and time does fly. I might enjoy my work, but don't want to forget why I am doing it, my other obligations, other talents, and other needs.
Overall, I feel in perfect gratitude.
And there is every reason in the world, to keep journaling, about the development of this baby, and of life. It makes it last longer.
While Tino is always the one to ensure that my shoes are polished and clothes are pressed before we head out the door, he has been so busy studying, I had to beg him first to go to the memorial with me, then inform him that his work uniform was not appropriate. We are paying respects, look respectable, quite simply.
Morgan. How many tears I cried, and how close to you and all who love you I feel! Thank you thank you for giving me that closeness and that love. I've been overwhelmed, under the weather, feeling like I was losing touch, not reaching out to the things and the ones who made me... It felt very good to go to the memorial. It felt very good to see how many people feel exactly the same way. It felt very good, reiterating with them how Morgan could not possibly be forgotten, some of the very brightest that shines through me comes directly from her. What an angel, what a woman to know. How blessed I feel to have been seen and touched by her. With my stuffy nose, I went through a box of tissues on my own, crying until I was puffy faced. Then was able to see Jimmy, Mike and Kelly, and also Guy, and exchange good hugs, good love, good penetrating looks, and good words. It made me feel more connected. Then the hawk spirit sent all of the people I had been thinking of to our doorstep today, just about, and it was a fantastic day of impromptu visits and simple goodness.
Amani, Luca and I went to Oliver's to pick Tino up, and the cruised around Oliver's excitedly putting things in their cart. But under control, happily, choosing fruits, sweet potatoes, juice, milk, syrup for tomorrow's pancakes. It was fun. Then we all held hands and walked in the big drizzle drops through the wet, lamplit parking lot to the Chinese restaurant, and ate and ate and ate.
The entire time, I kept thinking back to Morgan, in that each shot of her, there is a special glow. That special glow that makes each moment flawless. That turns off the fluorescent lights of the restaurant, takes the stains off the floor, makes the lanterns glow red, with fireflies dancing and perfectly warm, delicious food. Obviously it wasn't like that, but I felt like it was. Playing house with Tino, while Luca and Amani practiced playing. We had a great time. I feel so completely blessed.
There are so many things we forget, and time does fly. I might enjoy my work, but don't want to forget why I am doing it, my other obligations, other talents, and other needs.
Overall, I feel in perfect gratitude.
And there is every reason in the world, to keep journaling, about the development of this baby, and of life. It makes it last longer.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Another Bridge
It is December 12, 2010. My dad and Laurie just got back from Tanzania, a Peace Corps caliber journey they had. A quick phone call informed me that John has diabetes and Jubilathi has Parkinsons. We are, what now? 14 weeks pregnant? I had a fever of 102 off and on for about three days, so beside everything else to worry about, has an otherwise healthy baby been affected by some brain damage or other "birth defect"? We confirmed there is a heartbeat, so my greatest concern has been put to rest. But my goodness, deep down, I somehow feel invincible. Invincible enough to think that likely, nothing has happened, all will be well. And if something has, I am (we are) invincible enough to handle it.
Deep down, I am not sweating bullets, I am not obsessing. For better or for worse, that is just the way I am I guess. Does it make me less of a mother? Phoey on such thoughts.
But there are somethings that I've wanted to update about Amani's progress. What I should post here are some of his drawings. Beautiful drawings, his focus is so rewarding to observe. But just now, what he said inspired me to open this blog up again, who to tell? Facebookies?
Amani is peeling of the crayon wrappers again, and I am telling him not to, again. I tell him why, that the crayons will break, he will dirty the house. He interupts to say, "Mama, remember when I was peeling the crayons yesterday?" Yes, I do. "And I told you to stop talking to me?" Yes, I do (hoping he would acknowledge that "that wasn't nice").
"Stop talking to me." he says with a wry smile.
Ouch, I frown and get online to share my mothers pride at his wit.
Things Amani says these days: He still says "Fiskit" instead of Fix it, which I love!
He says Buzz Lighter, and quotes "To infinity and beyond!"
Today we said "reach" and he remembered woody, and quoted, "Reach by the sky." "For the sky" "No, by the sky"
ok.
His constant companion is Luca, which is wonderful, but they are certainly learning how to be mischevious together. He follows everything she does, and as she is 3 and a half, and her mama has already stated that she can see Luca being the one to hand her buddies joints when she is older, "C'mon! What are you afraid of?" I too relish the thought of my son's preserved innocence and total corruption by this older woman. They are a wonderful play team, Luca is very good to Amani, looks after him and definitely shows how much she loves him. We sometimes think they act like an old married couple, being mindlessly considerate of each other, and then bickering like dogs.
Amani began Preschool this year at Gravenstein, which was a big adjustment, but he seems to be doing quite well. What I am still hoping (trying) to do is to reach out to some parents and have play dates with his buddies at school, so he might feel better adjusted there.
He also still goes to Carmen's, but I really miss having Kique there.
Tino has finished his Phlebotomy course, but waiting for final results. So far, it is close, will he have to repeat, or not? Either way, I truly think he did a fantastic job. The job itself, if and when it comes, would certainly tie us to here, but my goodness, here isn't such a bad place to be.
I still often mention, "lets just go to Tanzania." But it is hard to compromise our life here. I also still regret, especially pregnant the second time around, after promising number to would be THERE, and it doesn't look like it will, I regret not having spent more time with Tino's family the first time around. Anna has already passed and never met Amani. Jubilathi and John, not doing well.... Its tough, this is intercontinental life. I don't know when we will get back. Next year? Next decade?
Amani just kissed my belly.
The sweetness and the blessings outweigh so much of the rest. But I fear it is "out of sight, out of ... mind."
It isn't on my mind so much, it is in the back of my mind. Perhaps seeing Dad's pictures will change that, but likely, nothing will be done. Tino is the one who is making the decisions these days on when to stay and when to go.
We are waiting for his citizenship, this is wise. We are penniless, and without jobs there. Moving unwise. So I have become obsessed with building onto our house, building the greenhouse, getting ducks and turkeys in the spring, baby goats, more eggs and chickens, spending time relaxing here after the baby is born. What do I mean relaxing? i mean, puttering around the property, hiking around the land, spending time digging in the dirt, and being with a new baby, breastfeeding as long as possible. Will we make it to Tanzania? If not, when will I be able to see Saidi?
If so, when will we come back? Will I work? Part time teach again? Make enough consulting for MESA? haha- dream dream.
It is different this time around. I was so strong last pregnancy. Now I am surrounded by support. I still have lots of deadlines, I am still studying, but this time it feels focused, not desperate. It feels purposeful and rewarding, not nerve wracking.
I like my work with MESA, and expect to graduate, but then what? What will I do? Keep teaching... ? will I work in general non-profit development? In ag? In health? Hard to know, but lots of work to do in the meantime, that I've hardly time to worry about these things. I have a general sense of faith. What we have now is delightful. There are many years of life to be lived, and life changes, indeed, it is guaranteed to do so, for our family sometime around June 2011.
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