4 and one more

Living in bliss, sometimes worry. Amani is now four, and we have a new son. He will never have any of the nicknames I dreamt of when dreaming of a girl (these past four years- I was a late start, no little girl dreams of baby making for me...)
But Asante, now 10 months and taking his first steps, has done so many memorable things, but writing about it, in the moment, ahhhh, that is where the juice is. Of course, all of us, all of our moments are being battled for by the many tasks, distractions, joys, responsibilities.

So, yesterday: Amani was helping me in the kitchen in Spanish, after a renewed sense of joy and purpose in teaching him that came from talking with my dad on the long drive up the CA I-5 after being gone for a week for Spring Break. Tino/Baba Amani/Daddy walks in. Perhaps he was wiping his colored eggs, washing a dish, or pretending he could speak Spanish. Amani says, "It's good to be together again."

I say I love you a lot, so I am not surprised that Amani does too. I think I am fairly agreeable (at least with him!) and I say sure a lot, so he does too. I guess I say "Actually" and shamefully and inexplicably "Look-it", so Amani has adopted those expressions as well. It is my instinct to say something positive first thing in the morning to these boys, and so when Amani continuously wakes up and says, "Its a pretty sunny day!" or some other complimentary remark on the new day that awaits us, I am delighted, but not at all surprised.

However, when out of the blue, he says what I've never heard, and what I am in fact too distracted to even think: "Its good to be together again." I want to kiss his feet. Daddy had to walk out of the room with tears in his eyes.


Son, you are adorable. Today, you drew so many wonderful, creative pictures, telling stories to yourself as your doodles took on life and shape simultaneously. You wrote you name: iMANA and were only cooperative and a joy to be with (of course, a little nagging here and there to try to get me to play with you because I was trying to finish a proposal and on the computer for too long to be a really Perfect Day, but did finish because you and Asante were adaptable enough to entertain yourselves and be so easy going.

Tonight, at dinner, when we finally sat down at 9pm, (15 min. late- you waited for me while I indulged in a hot shower with tangerine-lavender sugar scrub I made), and we had our chicken ceasar salad, chicken noodle soup, and fougasse on the table, Daddy was telling a story about how Thelma was teaching the two little boy goats to but-heads. But he ALWAYS says "Selma" instead of "Thelma" and it drives me crazy. Why oh why can't we acknowledge that this isn't her name and try to say it right? I am sure you can enunciate the "th" sound. Here, let me make you try, interrupt your story, and make you feel badly.

Amani, thank you for speaking up and saying, "He can say it however he wants to."

Yes, he really did say that.


Asante, you have been the most angelic baby, filled with smiles since day one. When I labored with you, I was sitting in our outdoor bathtub looking at rainbows and oak trees. Seriously. All of my dreams and imaginings of the day had come true, and I will always remember that feeling of utter peace while my body changed to make room for your birth. Then wham bam and off to the birthing center (I'm sure you've heard the story, of how I called the emergency number on the way in, but they didn't pass the message to the midwives. So when we got there at 6.30ish, a half-hour after closing, the doors were locked and we thought you were going to be born in the parking lot. Just in time, the new midwife (Kathy?), who happened to be staying after hours to familiarize herself with the office, opened up for us, and let us in, checking me only to confirm that, yes indeed, mama is not fibbing, THE BABY IS ON THE WAY! Water was started and your father carried me the whole way. He delivered me quickly and gracefully into the tub where I had imagined I would be delivering you. I guess somewhere there is a video I haven't watched yet. Maybe for your first birthday ;-)

We brought you home to paradise, and perhaps because of this, I am absolutely convinced that you were already smiling happily in your first week of life. There will be those who say it is gas, but darling, you would always smile when I sang. How is it possible that I haven't yet gotten over my shyness???
I love you, thank you for being perfection, thank you for creating a paradise in which to be born, and thank you for being gratitude itself!

Now, I tell folks you have an international reputation for being smiley, charming and adorable. Carmen calls you "Riesón" (I'll have to check that, but it means Smiley). Magreth in Tanzania says she misses your smile, you two connected, I know she really does! The entire Malisa family was taken with your smile and love of people, as well as all of our friends and all of Sebastopol! I am not exaggerating about your reputation darling! Even now, last night you had just been the center of attention, learning to walk with your Babu, brother and Daddy. So you walked right out the front door of the kitchen! But you wanted to be seen. You opened the screen to peek back in, and I said "Boo!", we both LAUGHED AND LAUGHED! Over and over again, "Abre-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAH!-Cierra, Abre-HAHAHAHA!-Cierra" With wide mouths and shining eyes, we laughed and looked deep into each others souls. Oh how wonderful it is to connect with you!

But, you must know, you are very difficult these nights! Thrashing, crying, nursing you is a painful experience but there seems to be nothing else that will soothe you at night, even though it seems sometimes that this barely does. Perhaps your teeth hurt (you are cutting your fifth and sixth), perhaps you are growing, or your tummy hurts because we don't feed you baby food. Whatever it is, you are trouble. In the daytime, you can also be trouble. Sometimes, we just play. You love to play swords with your brother, and you love to take a bath. Water is the most exciting game for you. If the door is cracked, or we are outside for a snack of frozen blueberries, (like we were today) you will simply crawl out into the garden while I peek on you every once in awhile and relish the opportunity to "get stuff done". Usually, when I see you, you are teething on a wood chip. Looks pretty satisfying to me! Perhaps a little dirt in the mouth (some studies trace playing in the dirt to increased immunity and serotonin production- so there you go my healthy and happy baby!)

Darling, today I tried to put you down to nap on a comfy blanket, under the bamboo tee-"pea", shaded by the pear tree (dubbed The Giving Tree). Immediately when you detected that I would not be holding you, you squirmed and cried, thrashed and sat yourself up. But instead of crying again until I put you down properly for nap. You smiled and cruised around in the tee-pee for another half-hour or more while I watered and cleaned up the greenhouse. What a love.

Suffice it to say, I am enjoying you both enormously. It is 3am now, and I would love to write about other things going on in my life, but I'll save that boring stuff for another day.